#21 The Practice of Genuine Self Expression
Creating sacred creative spaces
Welcome to issue 21, where I unpack three things: why I run photography retreats like army bootcamps, my ongoing quest to reconnect with genuine creativity after years in survival mode, and a short film recommendation that will make you question everything and hopefully fuel your creative undertakings.
Why Not Make It Easy?
I just came back from a week in the Dolomites where I hosted one of our bi-annual business of photography retreats with a group of eight fellow photographers. No matter how many times I have run a retreat, I still find the experience transformative. Most of the alumni don’t know each other, yet they are parachuted into the equivalent of a photographic battlefield. They have to execute real commercial assignments given by a creative director for real brands, all while being sleep deprived and buzzing with the energy of back-to-back shoots, without much time to reflect or edit their work.
A few years back, one of the alumni humorously pointed out that these experiences should not be called “retreats,” and that “army bootcamp” was a more appropriate name for them. While he was obviously joking, the effect was not lost on me. Yes, in a way I could build the retreats as a mellow and cuddly week where we shoot some photos when the light is nice, hike to see wildflowers, and lay in the shade between class time, but I don’t think I’d be doing the students a service.
For the most part, these are people who have decided to invest in themselves, and who are in pivotal moments in their career. They took leaps of faith, and now they need to make it happen for themselves and their families. I want to do everything in my power to help them become happy and successful commercial photographers and filmmakers. So, throwing them into the beat of a commercial shoot, with a lot of people on set, tight timelines, demanding talent, and exacting clients, seems like the best use of everyone’s time. It must be working, because some of these fellows are on their fifth retreat — which pushes me to improve, tinker, and rethink every time as well, because I can’t feed them the same material over and over.
I’m very proud of the work the students shot for their Van Rysel assignment in Val Di Susi… The assignment? Shoot the brand’s new gravel bikes reflecting the more casual ethos of this new range.
The assignment for Mazzer grinders had us in some very un-shit places, and it’s fair to say they delivered on their work. Their mission: capture an espresso bar in the morning for the countertop grinders; and in the evening, a sunset mission at an alpine lake.
Alumni:
Juan Moncayo
Bentley Zylstra
Vicky Fenner
Matt Hildreth
Corbin Heist
Benjamin Israelin
Becca Searns
Callum Davis
Massive thanks to Evan Ruderman and Alex Tarin for helping me produce these experiences. I couldn’t have done it without them.
BTW, we’re opening applications to the Lofoten Retreats this September in Norway. If the Dolomites retreat sounded like a good time to you, consider joining us and apply here.
On Genuine Self Expression
One of the many benefits of doing Gestalt therapy every week is that it’s helping me reconnect with my instincts. Because I have been grinding quite hard the last 10 years, trying to keep my head above water, I realize that for survival’s sake, I often catch myself numbing my feelings or muting my inner voices. While that is extremely useful for keeping track of projects and deadlines, it isn’t useful at all for fostering creativity.
You see, creativity is the thing that’s deep inside you, like the hidden part of the iceberg. But to access it, you first need lines of communication between consciousness and unconsciousness. Your inner world and your outer world. To put it simply, if you don’t stop to notice how you react to things, you can’t really know why you like or dislike things. But when you stop and notice, you start making connections again, and you start to learn about yourself again. That hidden self is where I believe creativity lives.
The program of becoming a functioning adult is designed to sabotage part of these lines of communication. You have to trade your time for money, the trash needs to be taken out, and the taxman wants his cut at the end of the year. Years go by, and without guard rails, we end up veering far away from the child who knew how to live in the moment, act out of instinct, and privilege play above all else — for him, there was no future, no past, only the now. My adult self is too often caught up in the act of keeping up with profit and loss statements vs. focusing on genuine self expression, and I want some of the child self back.
So here’s what I am doing to encourage him to come back:
Turn my phone off at 8 p.m. Most days I succeed, and that gives me time to do something more fun like playing a board game with Andrea, reading a book, or simply putting ideas to paper.
Start the day without a screen. No phones for the first hour of the day. Instead I stretch, do some cardio, journal, or spend time with my 3-year-old daughter (who has a lot to teach me about being a child). These two methods, and much more, I owe to Benji from Wylder Pursuits who has been challenging me with all kinds of new ideas.
Big time blocks for riding my bike or running in the forest. It boggles my mind how much creative thinking happens while on a 3-hour bike ride. Thoughts run free, imitating the repetitive motion of the crank case.
No scrolling. Whenever I inevitably open Instagram, I don’t allow myself to scroll down past the first publication. A quick DM check, and move on. I will use IG on the browser to catch up on peers’ work, but I try to be intentional about doing just that.
Create sacred creative space. I have been carving out time blocks, ranging from a few hours to a week, where I tune out the voices in my head and simply focus on making great work for the sake of it. Without any regard for its outcome, since I cannot control it. Some aspects of doing this newsletter fall into these time blocks. I’ll also go look at my photo archive and start making new sets out of forgotten folders, or re-edit some past work with a different eye. Or even better, I’ll go on a trip for a few days to keep building on a personal work series. (More on that this fall!) It seems as though the more engaged I am in this process, the more everything else takes care of itself.
Study my early work. What made it flow naturally? What was I feeling and thinking about? Who was I with? What were we doing? I believe a lot of the answers lie in this simple act.
I understand these methods are a form of luxury. Not many people have the time or resources to carve out hours out of their busy day to go on a bike ride, or take three days off to go photograph something. But if you are reading this, then you must be one of the lucky ones who has the time to think about their creative pursuits. I hope you experiment with these, or even better, build your own methods and share them with me here.
Watching
I found this short film very powerful, emotional, and somewhat dangerous. That’s why I feel confident saying you should give it a watch this evening. I first viewed it on the plane and was brought to tears by the end of it — although some research suggests that we are more emotional on planes due to cabin pressure and the general isolation the experience brings, I still was very moved when I watched it a second time at home with Andrea. Our human mind can’t comprehend how old the universe is, and I immediately default to: “What am I doing with my life?” when I’m reminded of how insignificant our lives can be in relation to the universe itself… Anyway, by the next morning that hint of sadness should turn into fuel.
Go Deeper
The Lofoten No One Sees Retreat 2025: Experience the lesser-known side of the Lofoten Islands with a group of like-minded photographers led by Alex Strohl.
My editing presets: Speed up your editing workflow and achieve unique edits with my Lightroom editing packs.
This newsletter is edited by Danny Smith
Long bike rides really are amazing for disconnecting. Instead of turning my phone off at the beginning or end of the day, for me it’s during the middle when I go on my daily ride.
I need to adopt the phone off at 8pm play. That’s been one of the times that my tired brain really just resorts to doom scrolling and I could spend my time so much better. Thanks for sharing this with us.